My Five Least Favorite Books

Number Five
Persuasion
by Jane Austen

I pride myself on the fact that I have never completely read a Jane Austen book. Persuasion is the only time I ever came close but in the end I gave up. Like most books I dislike, I was forced to read this book for a class in college. It was a History of Satire class which sounded like a really fun class only the instructor’s choice of books was a little off. Somehow we got to the point of reading Persuasion by Jane Austen and even after sitting through an entire class of people giving presentations about the book, I have no clue why this book would be considered satire.

Why do I dislike this book?
It’s really, really boring. Maybe as a guy i’m not suppose to enjoy Jane Austen. Maybe this is her worst book and I should give her another chance. Whatever the reason, I found it impossible finish the 160something pages that made up Persuasion. Do they or do they not spend a majority of the novel (novella? novelette?) going for walks in and around Bath? UGH. Just thinking about this book makes me tired.

Also, what’s with the twelve foot tall women on the cover? I don’t remember that being in the book.

Five Least Favorite Books:
5) Persuasion by Jane Austen
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My Top Five Favorite Books

Number One
Company
by Max Barry

I don’t remember what caused me to pick up this book and start reading it. Judging from the cover, maybe I was hungry at the time. Little did I know that Company by Max Barry would open my eyes to the world of middle management and essentially ruin every future job I would have. Somethings can’t be unread.

What is the book about?
At Zephyr Holdings, no one has ever seen the CEO in person. The beautiful receptionist is paid twice as much as anybody else, but does no apparent work. The sales reps use relationship self-help books as sales manuals, and one is on the warpath because of a missing mid-morning donut. In other words, it’s an ordinary big company.

This is the book that asks the questions: When is physical violence an appropriate response to management policy? Why is that one reserved parking space always empty? Taking an extra donut from the team’s basket: is that a sign of a motivated go-getter, or a sociopath? And this sea of incompetence and insanity they call a workplace: it can’t really be that way by accident, can it?

Why is it in my top five?
This book changed my life forever. Namely, it has made me more cynical of companies. I was working at a bank during the period when I was reading this book. It was scary because I started to notice parallels between the fictitious Zypher Holdings from the book and my real job. I was disturbed. It eventually became impossible for me to take my job seriously any more and I quit. Since that fateful day I have never looked at middle management in the same way. But isn’t that what satire is? Exaggerating situations to point out the ridiculousness of something? I love all of Max Barry’s books, but this one if by far my favorite.

Top 5 Favorite Books:
5) sex.lies.murder.fame. by Lolita Files
4) Einstein’s Dreams by Alan Lightman
3) Apathy and Other Small Victories by Paul Neilan
2) I Am Not Myself These Days by Josh Kilmer-Purcell
1) Company by Max Barry

My Top Five Favorite Books

Number Two
I Am Not Myself These Days
by Josh Kilmer-Purcell

This book happens to be my most frequently purchased book. I’m either buying a copy to give to people or buying myself another copy because I lent it out to a friend and they “lost” it. By now Amazon keeps warning my that i’ve purchased this book in the past multiply times and is suggesting I get better friends to save me some money.

What is the book about?
An alcoholic drag queen with fish for breasts falls in love with a drug addicted male escort.

Why is it in my top five?
It’s a tragic love story akin to a shakespearian tragedy. Not only that, it’s funny. This book is one that I can pick up, open to a random page, and start reading and still be entertained. It’s a memoir. Did I forget to mention that? Josh is a very humorous writer. He has two other books out as well but the one you should also be looking in to is The Bucolic Plague about him and his partner buying a goat farm which lead to to their reality TV show, The Fabulous Beekman Boys.

Top 5 Favorite Books:
5) sex.lies.murder.fame. by Lolita Files
4) Einstein’s Dreams by Alan Lightman
3) Apathy and Other Small Victories by Paul Neilan
2) I Am Not Myself These Days by Josh Kilmer-Purcell
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My Top Five Favorite Books

Number Three
Apathy and Other Small Victories
by Paul Neilan

I love the title of this book. Look at the cover. Who wouldn’t immediately pick up this book and read the first couple of pages? The opening sentence is “I was stealing saltshakers again.” Needless to say I was captivated. Why was he stealing saltshakers? I needed to know. I’ve read this book a couple of times but not recently.

What is the book about?
The only thing Shane cares about is leaving. Usually on a Greyhound bus, right before his life falls apart again. Just like he planned. But this time it’s complicated: there’s a sadistic corporate climber who thinks she’s his girlfriend, a rent-subsidized affair with his landlord’s wife, and the bizarrely appealing deaf assistant to Shane’s cosmically unstable dentist. When one of the women is murdered, and Shane is the only suspect who doesn’t care enough to act like he didn’t do it, the question becomes just how he’ll clear the good name he never had and doesn’t particularly want: his own.

Why is it in my top five?
It’s funny. The plot is just so completely random and the main character, Shane, is so disinterested in the whole thing. He kind of just happens to get himself in to this mess. There is also a whole bunch of funny bits including an abusive girlfriend, a deaf receptionist, and a dead-end job at an insurance company. I saw Neilan at Powells when he was making his rounds promoting the paperback edition. He’s a funny guy. Now, why hasn’t he written anything else?

Top 5 Favorite Books:
5) sex.lies.murder.fame. by Lolita Files
4) Einstein’s Dreams by Alan Lightman
3) Apathy and Other Small Victories by Paul Neilan
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My Top Five Favorite Books

Number Four
Einstein’s Dreams
by Alan Lightman

Einstein’s Dreams is a horrible, horrible book to take with you on long flight. This one time I was flying from Portland, Oregon to Reno, Nevada and I picked this book to keep me entertained on the flight. I ended up reading the entire thing before even getting on the plane. What can I say? I couldn’t put it down. There is no real story in this book. Instead it’s a collection of different ideas about how time could work.

What is the book about?
Einstein’s Dreams is a fictional collage of stories dreamed by Albert Einstein in 1905, when he worked in a patent office in Switzerland. As the defiant but sensitive young genius is creating his theory of relativity, a new conception of time, he imagines many possible worlds. In one, time is circular, so that people are fated to repeat triumphs and failures over and over. In another, there is a place where time stands still, visited by lovers and parents clinging to their children. In another, time is a nightingale, sometimes trapped by a bell jar.

Why is it in my top five?
It’s very, very interesting. I like the different concepts of time that the book puts forth. My favorite one is where time moves slower if a person is in a state of motion. So people who sit around will age faster while the more active people will stay younger and live longer. In this world, people put wheels on their house to keep them moving even while they sleep. Plus, like I implied earlier, it’s a quick read. Since it’s essentially a collection of time-themed fables it’s easy to pick up and read a story or two before bed.

Top 5 Favorite Books:
5) sex.lies.murder.fame by Lolita Files
4) Einstein’s Dreams by Alan Lightman
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My Top Five Favorite Books

Number Five
sex.lies.murder.fame.
by Lolita Files

I worked at Borders at the time and an ARC of sex.lies.murder.fame. came across my desk. What caught my attention was the cover. The ARC cover was the exact same one as the hardback edition minus the words. This cover was just the silhouettes of a girl, lips, a knife, and film. I thought it was a very sexy cover and bold too. How many covers could get away without putting the title or the author on the front?

What is the book about?
Gifted with rock star looks and a genius IQ, Penn Hamilton has been inspiring awe since he was a baby. Now he’s ready to take on the world and claim his rightful place in the midst of celebrity. As a Writer. Rapper. Model. God. Unfortunately, the world’s not quite ready for him.

But when Penn meets Beryl Unger, high-powered editrix to literati and glitterati alike, sparks fly. Sparks fly even higher when he meets one of Beryl’s authors, superstar romance author Sharlyn Tate. Two women, one man. A man with no boundaries, who will stop short of nothing—even brutal, vicious murder—to have the success and adulation he so desperately desires.

Why is it my top five?
I remember thinking that this was a really funny book. It’s not funny-”haha” but funny-”hmm”. It’s a satire but not one that will make you laugh out loud. On top of that, the main character is so incredible narcissistic that you can’t help but hate him. Come to think of it, I can’t remember a single character that I would describe as “likable”. It’s been a couple years since I’ve read this book, but it had made enough of an impression on me. This book is the one that introduced me to the concept of meta-fiction because near the end it does become very meta-fictional.

Top 5 Favorite Books:
5) sex.lies.murder.fame. by Lolita Files
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Having never read the book, I didn’t think I would have been a fan of the NES inspire game based on The Great Gatsby. As I soon discovered, The Great Gatsby tells the tale of a character known only as “old sport” who goes around murdering butlers with his boomerang. Then his friend, i’m assuming The Great Gatsby, gets abducted by aliens and it’s up to Old Sport to rescue him. I died fighting the floating eyes on top of the train. Wow, this book must have been ahead of it’s time.

Anyway, check out the game here.

Booking Through Thursday asks: Which Book Changed Your Life?

Need I say more?