The Book Pirate’s Musings on… Jazz Hands, Part 1
The Book Pirate’s Musings on…
Jazz Hands
I’ve almost finished Marc Acito’s Attack of the Theater People . Marc signed my book, “To Colin, with Jazz Hands.” This got me thinking, what the heck are Jazz Hands anyway?
Sure, I know how to do Jazz Hands. It’s like waving but with both hands. But what confused me is the words “Jazz Hands”. Is it a noun? Is it a verb? On one hand I could use it in a sentence like:
“Alex did Jazz Hands for his talent in the talent show.”
In this sentence I would call it a verb. I concluded this based on the fact that I could easily replace Jazz Hands with Somersaults or Juggling. In contrast, I could also say:
“Manny has fantastic Jazz Hands.”
Now it’s a noun. Jazz Hands are a thing in this sentence. So I guess it could either be a verb or a noun. Where it gets awkward is when I try to use the past-tense verb.
“Before David started singing, he Jazz Handed to make his presences know.”
Jazz Handed. Really? How do I convey that somebody in the past did the Jazz Hand gesture? Oh, I could say “did the Jazz Hand gesture.”
“Before David started singing, he did the Jazz Hand gesture to make his presences known.”
That works. Now that that is settled I was forced to try and figure out when to use Jazz Hands. On stage or in front of a group of people who are all paying attention to you seems like the best time, but curiosity got the best of me and I decided to do some jazz hands on experimenting.
At the coffee shop
Coffee. It’s an every day essential for every Portlander. The first victim of my Jazz Hands escapade was the Barista at the PSU Seattle’s Best Coffee. Being the first, I was a little shy with my Jazz Hands. I tell her that I would like a vanilla latte. I pause briefly before I deliver the words “vanilla latte” and that is when bust out my Jazz Hands for the first time. She gaze me a puzzled look and asked for money. I gave her my card. If she even noticed my Jazz Hands I don’t know. It probably looked like I was just really excited to get some coffee.
In class
That evening I had a presentation to do in my Canadian Literature class. I checked with my Canadian friend to make sure Canadians know what Jazz Hands are. He told me that everybody in the great white north uses Jazz Hands. “Fantastic!” I thought and did a little Jazz Hands for myself. When I got up in front of the class to talk about Canadian Cartoons, I forgot to Jazz Hands as I announced my topic. Pretty natural, I had other things on my mind. If I couldn’t start with Jazz Hands, I decided to end with it. “And that’s it!” I say with Jazz Hands. Everyone clapped. Was it clapping for the Jazz Hands or the hastily thrown together speech on a topic I didn’t really prepare for? I’ll assume the former.
At the grocery store
Not yet feeling I had reached my full Jazz Hands potential yet, I stopped at the store and Jazz Handed the lady who rang me up. No reaction. In all fairness, I think they were my best Jazz Hands so far. It wasn’t so much that she wasn’t a fan of hand gestures, but rather she didn’t even make eye contact with me.
At work
I figured I could use Jazz Hands to help motivate the people I oversee.
Me : You suck, work faster. -Jazz Hands-
I think the results speak for themselves on this one. My employee did work faster.
In the end I’ve discovered that Jazz Hands don’t really seem to get any reaction. People just aren’t ready for Jazz Hands to become an everyday gesture as common as high-fives and thumbs-ups.
Tomorrow we’ll talk about the different types of Jazz Hands.